‘It’s Just a Phase’

Hello there!

On Tuesday I returned to school and work. It’s been a good thing mainly, always having something to do, having some structure to the day. But I found that as I came into contact with more and more people calling me my birth name, my gender dysphoria is now worse than ever.

When I get bad in this way, I always find some way to cope, whether that’s writing or talking to someone, or sitting in my room placing my hair in one of my many hats.

Today I have done some writing that I thought I’d share. It’s something I may one day get my mum to read.

So here we go, some free-hand writing, unedited…

Liam 🙂


To my mother.

For all the times you have told me ‘it’s just a phase’

Or this ‘might just be another one of those… things’,

Let me tell you something.

 

I have spent my entire life feeling wrong.

People telling me to ‘just be myself’,

Well that, yeah, that meant nothing.

I felt as though ‘being human’ was an alien concept.

A big alien that you really can’t miss,

Just like my body when I caught a glance of myself in a mirror

 

I used to starve myself just to achieve the figure I felt right in

To only realise now

The reason I felt right was because I had lost my curves

I looked more like a boy.

 

Now I understand things like

Why I never saw myself being a mother,

Why I felt like the elephant in the room that was covered in an invisibility cloak,

Why I watched all those videos about transitioning so intentedly

Despite not knowing the reason was.

Well the reason is

I’m transgender.

 

The only person listening to your words:

That this is just a phase,

Is you.

And when I die

I will die a boy.

I will die a boy unaccepted by his own mother.

Just think, maybe consider,

This isn’t just a phase.

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