Finding the Light

Hi everyone.

I’m going to have to admit, I have had a really bad week.

I’ve struggled a lot to not only get through this but also get to a place where I can reflect on it properly. I’ve let down some friends and had to cancel plans because of my state and also have had to miss 2 days at work in a row.

I’m having really bad nightmares and have got into some really dark places, reminding me of how I was during my lowest point. I’m finding myself feeling really down and absolutely exhausted and although it helps to process it when writing it down, I feel that listing the positives and all my achievements may help. So, here’s my week in a more positive light…

  • I got through a stage of paranoia safely and without harming myself or others
  • I actually read out my writing piece called ‘It’s Just a Phase’ to my mum
  • I then went on just today to reading out several of my posts to my mum and dad
  • I dealt well with being in emotion mind afterwards
  • I managed to put a plan together to prevent an eating disorder relapse as I could feel myself slipping back into an anorexic mind set
  • I have skilfully dealt with the scary visual hallucinations I’ve been experiencing this week
  • I have managed to take all my meds despite hating the large amount of them
  • I joined the mermaids trans group and exchanged a lot of emails and made an amazing new friend
  • Got on to trying to process the weekend (which is when the paranoia was) which is really good as young Liam would pretend it never happened and not address it for months
  • Accidentally kept myself safe (I fell asleep before doing anything dangerous 😀 only me)
  • Used phone support (despite a particular therapist not responding for ages as usual)
  • Planned several social things (they’re huge challenges for me because of my anxiety)
  • Although I didn’t go into work I’m glad I made the right decision as I was in a state
  • Doing my DBT homework – something I rarely do unprompted
  • Followed my self care plan so far – my individual therapist will be proud 😉
  • Did work independently at school
  • Starting GCSE creative writing piece
  • Actually talked on the phone with H and enjoyed it a lot, despite my anxiety of phone calls
  • Feeling proud of myself now in itself is an achievement

I’m going to leave it there for today, I hope you’re all well. Never forget how many positives you can get out of tough situations, I certainly feel so much better after listing all that 🙂

Liam 🙂

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