I have returned after yet another really rough night. I may write in detail what happened as I did with my lowest point but it will be password protected at first, I will just tell you now I’ve been going through a really dark patch for the last few weeks with the return of severe paranoia, high intensity of suicidal feelings and extreme distress with a very strange experience.
Surprisingly I feel okay, and would like to start reflecting on this to help me move on. These are the things I’ve taken away from being in a dark place…
•There is always a trigger, you never find yourself in a dark place randomly or for no reason, although that may be how it feels in the moment. It will always be so much bigger than you think.
•The only consistency to my journey with mental illness is that I am the one who’s saved myself, it’s me that’s kept me alive.
•Reflecting does so much. I have written a list of the small things that have helped me get through such a dark place and have also managed to recognise the signs so the people around me are more aware. I urge you to do the same.
•Things change and I am proof.
•Ice diving works wonders, but it doesn’t always have to be with water, going outside works just as well and trust me it will make you feel better.
•Contact with others is the hardest thing but the best thing. If you can’t go out, invite a friend over, if you can’t do that then call a friend. And if that isn’t possible then do something for someone else, like writing a letter.
•And lastly, there is always someone who cares. ALWAYS.
Hope you’re all well,