No, I know what you’re thinking. Not the ‘please don’t worry’ okay or the numb okay or the ‘just go away’ okay. Not the ‘I can’t face my true emotions’ okay or even the okay that after you say, you think to yourself, “Well, technically I’m not lying”. Those are my usual ones.
I can finally say I feel okay.
The okay type of okay.
Nothing has changed, I’m not magically better, I am just okay being me and being ill. I don’t need to keep trying to make everything sound better than it really is. I can say it as it truly is – openly whilst making eye contact and saying the right words (which is defined by whatever comes out naturally).
But the thing is I can stop there. I don’t need to tell you every detail to free me of the guilt I used to feel from hiding it all. I was never lying. All I was doing was having some privacy.
I can tell you all now, yes I am struggling, but I’m okay with that which is all I need.
Till next time,