I am Worthy

Hey there

Recently I have been struggling and I know it’s important to reflect on this as I come out of it and pick myself up. There has been a significant reason for my drop in mental health, because along with the biological adjustments that are going on as I come off my medication I’ve been on for years, I’ve been under a lot of stress. It’s landed me with really low mood a lot of the time, high urges, anxiety and flashbacks. 

I talked to my college support person, and she suggested I start writing again. The type of writing I keep to myself in my notebooks, not blogging or posting on social media, and my god has it helped a lot. I now know my thoughts. Often my dissociation from myself means I can’t think or have thoughts, it’s just white noise and silence in my head. By writing I’ve been able to acknowledge the things that are causing so much stress, and I don’t blame myself for struggling so much! There are a lot of big and dark things going on in my life right now that would tip any well person over the edge. I have done amazingly. 
Writing has helped me scratch the surface of these big problems, and it seems there’s one common theme. I am taking on problems that aren’t even mine. I cannot control most of these environmental stresses, and there is no need to be worrying and spending so much time allowing them to trample all over me.


I’m now on a journey to focus on myself and the things that are going to help me. I’m getting my college work finished which enables my future, I’m planning my summer holidays and what jobs I will do. Keeping my physical health up is a good thing too, which is how my walks are benfitting me and giving me a good foundation to work from. My positive affirmation is I am worthy. You will be hearing from me again soon, see you next time.

Liam 🙂

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Walks

It’s June! Summer solstice is nearing and my month of ‘daily posts’ has been and gone. I think I can safely say that I didn’t quite manage daily posts, or the planned 10. I posted 7 times and I’m proud of that, even though I didn’t hit my goal. It’s still an awesome achievement I think, and I’ve been happy with every post. I like setting goals a lot, and I have a new one on my mind. 

One half an hour walk. I want to go for a walk, by myself without any kind of technology and just be with myself. The things I take with me will be taken by hand. I’m planning to take a bottle of water and a camera. Perhaps a notebook and pen too but I’m considering seeing what happens when I let my mind wonder and the only output is me talking to myself.

I’ll admit I’m a little scared. I struggle with dissociation so could easily lose time and end up somewhere I don’t know. I have a feeling the type of thing I’ll be doing will keep me grounded though. I also hear voices. Being left alone with them can become very dark very fast, but I don’t feel in danger. I’m going to take my phone (turned off) just in case and have told my family what I will be doing and where I’ll be walking.

Let’s see how this goes…

Liam 🙂