Small Victories

Happy New Year!

There have been some small victories for me as a transgender person this Christmas and new year. When it comes to friends who don’t accept you, it’s a simple decision to leave them. Family is different. My family mean a lot to me, and I want to take them with me on my journey, not leave them behind. I have chosen to spend a lot of time and energy working on this instead of the simpler shutting them out. I’ll admit the repeated conversations are draining and have extremely slow progress, and more often than not it feels like 1 step forward, 2 steps back. However, the small victories make up for all the pain and tears. This Christmas, my dad has given me a card saying ‘to my son’ for the first time, and my grandparents have had a conversation with me about being trans. It’s a couple years down the line for my immediate family, but I’ve only just begun the coming out progress properly with my grandparents. If I could tell my younger self something, whilst I was hurting so much because I initially felt rejected, it’d be give your family time to adjust.

This Christmas, the little things have made it an amazing holiday. Every time my family:

  • Uses my nickname
  • Uses neutral gendered pronouns like ‘grandchild’
  • Writes Liam in my Christmas card
  • Corrects themself on my name and pronouns
  • Says Liam outloud
  • Calls me handsome instead of pretty

I feel so incredibly happy and valid inside.

Here’s to a brilliant year ahead, filled with positivity and lots of opportunities.

Liam 🙂


Christmas Eve 2017

It’s Christmas Eve 2017 and I’m repeating what I did on here last year. This one is a bit more special, it has my highlights from December. The snowfall in England was the heaviest in years and I enjoyed it so much, even though it had such a huge affect on the local area (ice and hills don’t go well together). It was also Khaleesi’s first snow day which was the cutest thing to watch. I went into London to see Les Misérables with my family for my 18th celebration, as well as Winter Wonderland on a separate occasion. The 2nd December was exciting because I saw The Kooks in concert with my sister and some other people. Also I can’t resist a good sunset.

Merry Christmas!

Liam 🙂


I think gratitude is a brilliant thing, but not necessarily in the way it’s used today. Practicing gratitude doesn’t solve any problems, cure any illnesses, fix horrible situations or make you happy. It’s not a solution, it’s a frame of mind that can make you feel better about yourself and others, and be able to appreciate the good things in the world and in yourself.

I recently read a blog post that I’ve got to recommend you read. It talks about the negative aspects of gratitude lists in a far more personal and honest way. Here’s a snapshot below:

“I’ve been making gratitude lists,” I said. “I’m really trying to look on the bright side.”

“Screw that,” he said. “Stop doing that immediately. It’s last thing you need. You need to make an Ingratitude List. You should be PISSED. Your life’s honestly kind of sh*tty right now. I’m not saying there’s no bright spots, but you need to stop trying to pretend you’re not in pain. You need to make a “This Sucks Ass” list.

I burst out laughing for the first time in ages. I walked out of his office with a huge smile on my face, swimming in a sea of relief…

Gratitude lists have the power to be brilliant and vastly improve your quality of life, as well as the ability to smother your life and mind in shame for still feeling bad and in pain despite all the ‘good things’. I think each person will need to work that out for themself, and I’ve been able to start doing that thanks to The Mighty.

Each month, The Mighty have been focusing on different aspects of self care, and this November it’s been gratitude. Each day there is a prompt, which suggests not only things such as what are you grateful for today, but also what you have learnt from the good and bad situations, people, etc.

Some of my favourite prompts I think are well worth pondering over are…

  • What are three things you have planned for the holidays that you are grateful for
  • Name three family members who have taught you something valuable.
  • Choose three “negative” experiences that have taught you something about yourself.
  • Pick three childhood experiences you are grateful for
  • Name three teachers you’ve had who have taught you something valuable

Thank you for reading,

Liam 🙂


I’ve recently been having my own ponderings and questions about forgiveness, and what that really means, and how on Earth you do it when it’s something so ongoing. So I’ve decided to put all my findings in a post in the hopes of summarising all I know so far.

The definition of forgiveness is “to stop feeling angry or resentful towards (someone) for an offence, flaw, or mistake”. To me, forgiveness is accepting what has happened, even if what has happened is wrong. It’s being okay with something even though what happened wasn’t okay. My very amazing friend Cody who has contributed to a blog post on here before shared their insight on what forgiveness means to them, as well as how religion has influenced this…

For me forgiveness is about trying to put things in the past so I’m able to move on. I tend to ruminate a lot on everything that happens to me and so when someone upsets or angers me I really feel the impact. Usually it takes me some time, but when I forgive someone, even if I don’t get the chance to tell them I have forgiven them to their face, it helps me to move on, and forgiving doesn’t mean you have to forget. There is also a power to forgiveness. Even if someone has wronged you and made you feel small, you do still have one power in you – forgiveness is powerful. I might feel like someone has taken everything from me, but the power of forgiveness is something nobody can take from me. When I forgive, I feel like I am making my own decisions again. 

Buddhism has really helped me to understand forgiveness. It’s not about whether someone apologises or whether they are truly sorry, it’s about the kind of energy you put into the world and whether holding onto anger and hurt is going to help. There are some things that are really difficult to forgive, but if you are able to forgive, it is such a relief. Forgiveness relates to treading the Earth lightly. It’s like when you meditate and you let thoughts pass through your fingers like smoke – forgiving is about letting go and recalibrating yourself so that you can move on from bad feelings and live in the present moment again.

Forgiveness is hard. Not only because it is a state of mind but because you have to keep choosing it. You have to forgive them every time you remember what has happened, on your best and worst days. DBT teaches ‘radical acceptance’ which essentially means completely and totally accepting and stopping fighting reality, because life can be worth living even with painful events in it. Rejecting reality does not change reality.

I think this lines up quite nicely with the Christian view of forgiveness, although Christianity takes it a step further to having compassion for the person who has done wrong. I’ve been looking towards Christianity for some support in accepting and forgiving the persecutor of past trauma who is still in my life. As well as forgiving myself for what I’ve done wrong.

From what I have gathered, forgiveness isn’t one decision, it’s something you choose every day. It’s fair enough forgiving someone for hurting you once you have had a brilliant day and you have survived despite mental illness and feeling proud of how you have managed. Or when you have helped someone else which you couldn’t have done without your experiences. However on the days where you feel like it’s your fault, you’ve had a meltdown or are consumed by flashbacks, and still choosing to forgive. That is hard.

My hero Corrie Ten Boom talks about it in this short video. It’s just 2 minutes long but managed to fill me with hope. 

Thank you for reading,

Liam 🙂

Inktober Part 1

I have decided to do the ever growing event that is known as Inktober. I have created my own prompts and these are the first 9 I finished only a few days late. My aim with this is to challenge myself to use pens more since I prefer watercolours usually. Also practice makes perfect, I’m hoping I’ll get better throughout and create a couple of good pieces amongst some weird doodles. Inktober Part 2 will be the top 9 I’m mot proud of by the end of the month. 

The prompts:

  1. One colour 
  2. Autumn
  3. Metallic 
  4. Underwater 
  5. Hari (my brothers name because it was his birthday on the 5th)
  6. Super villain 
  7. Princess
  8. Fine liner 
  9. Aunty Laura (another birthday)

Liam 🙂

Let’s Have a Chat

Hello there! How are you? How have you been? Let me guess – you’ve come a pretty long way in 3 months too?

Summer has been brilliant. I spent it with family and friends and directed my focus off of Instagram and onto a scrapbook. It’s meant I’ve got a creative output AND get to focus on the real life. It’s been the first summer in what feels like so long that I have been able to forget about mental illness.

I’ve been so eager for my final year at college to come around again; but now that it has there isn’t enough work! Coming off my medication has left me with a hungry and functioning brain just itching to be educated. So I’m self teaching A Level psychology because why not?!

I got my first appointment at Tavistock. The journey of transitioning medically has just started, but each day is a step in the right direction. On top of that I got my name changed by deed poll!!?!

I’m working out who I am at the moment, without the identity of mental illness. So, this blog is taking another turn – not just limited to mental health but whatever I find of interest or worth writing about. I have a feeling this means a lot of books and psychology type questions, as well as creative tags. Religion is a recent thing too, I was brought up as a Christian and have recently reached out to the local youth workers to ask questions and help my mind open up to things.

I’m hoping now the bubble has been burst I can create more and more posts as I feel more able to. See you soon,

Liam 🙂

I am Worthy

Hey there

Recently I have been struggling and I know it’s important to reflect on this as I come out of it and pick myself up. There has been a significant reason for my drop in mental health, because along with the biological adjustments that are going on as I come off my medication I’ve been on for years, I’ve been under a lot of stress. It’s landed me with really low mood a lot of the time, high urges, anxiety and flashbacks. 

I talked to my college support person, and she suggested I start writing again. The type of writing I keep to myself in my notebooks, not blogging or posting on social media, and my god has it helped a lot. I now know my thoughts. Often my dissociation from myself means I can’t think or have thoughts, it’s just white noise and silence in my head. By writing I’ve been able to acknowledge the things that are causing so much stress, and I don’t blame myself for struggling so much! There are a lot of big and dark things going on in my life right now that would tip any well person over the edge. I have done amazingly. 
Writing has helped me scratch the surface of these big problems, and it seems there’s one common theme. I am taking on problems that aren’t even mine. I cannot control most of these environmental stresses, and there is no need to be worrying and spending so much time allowing them to trample all over me.

I’m now on a journey to focus on myself and the things that are going to help me. I’m getting my college work finished which enables my future, I’m planning my summer holidays and what jobs I will do. Keeping my physical health up is a good thing too, which is how my walks are benfitting me and giving me a good foundation to work from. My positive affirmation is I am worthy. You will be hearing from me again soon, see you next time.

Liam 🙂